I don't know whether to post this, but when I thought of it like this earlier this week, it made sense to me. Maybe it will to someone else?
The last few months without Matt have been hard. Especially for Rog + Jane, who saw him daily, and for Simon. Matt was just such a big part of Si's life, he still notices every day when he can't call him just to check in, or ask him over to work on something together. There is still a lot of hurt, and questions, but most of all there's a huge hole.
Simon and I have had a very special relationship from the beginning. We knew we were different, and special and lucky in each other. Recently, we found ourselves getting into non-productive patterns in our relationship, and were talking it through the other night. Si kept saying that he's lost such a big part of his team.
And then I got it. In all our lives, we have circles of people supporting us. If we were a sevens team, Matt would have been our fullback. He strategized. He's a finisher, pulling something out of nothing. He always had our backs, when we let something slip through, Matt would cleanup.
Now with him gone we're playing a man down. We're working harder, we're exhausted, and yet we're still not pulling away from the score. Something slips through and each thinks the other had that hole covered. We get annoyed we aren't fitter. We occasionally yell at each other out of frustration. We're used to winning easy, and while we're working harder the scores are worse.
We are learning to communicate clearer, to read the play better, to get fitter and develop new skills that will help to compensate for this hole. We will become stronger than we were before this. Its a process, and I guess that's what healing looks like.
Somehow looking at this as a 7s rugby game helped me to see what we're going through better. To cut us some slack for being short. To just continue playing, not needing the perfect score. To forgive, and correct, and recognize how hard Si is working to be such an amazing husband and father and partner and son in this horrible time. To be sad for him not just for losing his brother, but in the how.
Thank you Simon. And to the rest of the Greatwey team.
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1 comment:
Tessa, so well written. This won't be:) I was crying the whole way through because I so get it. My number one supporter in my life, the person who I know loved me the most, is gone. The hole is always there, but you're right, as a team, we need to work out a new way of playing. My sisters have now played a much larger role in my day to day life, and it helps, but we always feel that it's just not `right'. Sometimes I see people with a full, strong team and I get jealous and it hurts. However, I also realize that I do have a great team, even playing short, and I am thankful. I appreciate my team mates more.
In regards to marriage, I know we are all so different. However, you and Simon do have something that is so special and so meant to be. If this grieving and healing is similar to my journey, it will provide more depth as you will know yourselves and each other more, if that makes sense.
I'm sorry you are all going through this. It's so sad and so hard.
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