Socks

Thank you for your thoughts.

Quick photo dump

Weekend - went to see Maddie's new home being built.  It's getting close.
Love the cheesy blue + pink.  Hardly notice the age difference any more.

Then went for a walk near Coll's new house - lovely misty morning.  Tenge heaven.

Family photo

 Sounders.  Thanks for the bear hat Gail!

 Cheesy

Flooded basement, sweeping out the water

Ang (Si's aunt) left back from SAfrica today.  She was a saviour for coming. 
Ang also knit Rags some lovely warm socks and a jersey.
Thank you Ang.  For everything.

Socks on your FEET, riles.  

 Checks my new jersey!

Finally, Rags is moving on from second-hand coffee (from mom) straight to the source.

 

That's all we need: a sick, drooling, teething, crawling, squirming, screeetching HYPER child.  Bouncing off the walls!

I miss our mellow fat happy Grace baby.  He's more Trethewey every day!

Still

As of yesterday, Riles no longer holds still.  He's far too busy.  His whole body is in constant motion.  He suddenly moves around the room with ease (not quite sure I'd call it crawling?  v. unglamorous).  He only wants to stand, not sit.  We were worried about him not making sounds?  He won't shut up now.  Everything goes in the mouth.  He wants to control everything.  He's growing up.

He's a joy.  I accidentally wrote job and he's that too.  But such a joy.

He's needed.

It's been a tough time.  After the chaos of funeral planning Si, Jenny and the Graces are having to figure out what life after Matt looks like.  How do you come to terms with what happened?   Si's doing well and trying hard.  I realize that for those that love them, people die countless times, every time you think to call them and have to re-remember all over again that they aren't there.  Death by a thousand cuts.

Other things are also going on now for me that are making the world a very heavy place this week.  I am so thankful for my lovely husband and son.  Thankful for our relationship so full of love.  For some special, wonderful friends.   Send your thoughts our way.

PS Riles has his first cold and 3.5 teeth - all came in within the last two weeks.  The last 0.5 tooth woke us up really really early this morning.  Good thing he's cute all slobbery snotty tears, big smile.

Some pics below. 

Rags + Timon at the memorial

The tree planted for Matt at the church in Tsawassen.  Somehow it reminds me of him, sunburned.

Riley helping me to clean up my emails.  Yes, that's my flute out from under 12 years of dust.  Played amazing grace at the funeral.

 

Riley's first snow! Good thing I had the snow tires sitting in the back.  That's sarcasm, BTW.  I sat stuck on a hill while the winter tired drove by, spinning my tires and swearing at the useless rubber on the back seat while I missed a meeting.

Baby blue eyes

Walk on the beach with Riley, he's in his hazmat suit (rain + wind barrier).  It's been freezing - yesterday we walked into 6" of water at the ranch where a burst pipe had flooded a room in the basement. Mess.

Yup, still loves his nanny

Riley renamed

I think we mis-named Riley.  He should have been called Saving.

He's our Saving Grace in the past weeks of such sadness.

Thank you Riley.

We're behind on photos, so just a quick one.  Riley now only sleeps with a blanket pulled over his head and his feet wide apart. 

Okay, I can't just post one.

Coll came over today while I was at work to watch Riles so Si could get organized.  Thank you Coll, you are a superstar.  Riles and Mads are best friends.  They are both getting so big!

 Look - two teeth!  Just poking through.

Si's auntie Ang flew in from South Africa and has been a great help.  She was an immediate hit with Riles due to the assorted exciting jewelery.

It has not yet sunk in that Matt will not be able to join us, again, ever.  That he's not just on a trip somewhere. 

It's just not right.

Lost. Life.

Simon's brother, his best friend, is dead.


~pause.          a long while~




Those are words that should never be written.  This is a life that should never be lost.

I am so sorry.

For his parents.  Who love their boys with every tiny bit of their hearts, and show it so openly.  Who are so accepting and caring and would do anything for him.  I don't know a more supportive family.  Matt knew he was so loved.

For everyone waiting the past week while he was missing, hoping that every truck driving by would be him coming home, or every time the phone rings it would be him.  Just wanting a break to clear his mind.  We never fathomed it could end like this.

For Jenny, Matt's long time partner.  Who lived with his struggles the last months and tried to help him out of them.  How do you see this coming?  How can this reconcile with athletic, dry humored, hard-working, gentle Matt?

For Riley, who no longer has an uncle.  What happened to the treehouse plans?

For Simon, who has seen this dark road and was trying so hard to steer him off it.  Who lost his idol.  Who no longer has his most respected sounding board.  Who adores his brother.  Matt would do anything for Simon.  Simon is broken with grief.


For Matt.

For Matt, for having to go where no-one ever should.  For the torment that he's been through the last two months.  He would have known exactly how much hurt this would cause, and how much love he had, and still had to stop the pain.  That's agony.

I'm so sorry Matt.

For everyone who never saw this coming. 

Matt didn't do this.  A horrible depression did.  An illness that until three months ago had never warned its existence.  A life that this summer was anyone's envy, to life lost. I didn't know this was possible.

Peace be with you Matt.  I hope the torment has stopped.

Peace be with you Matt.  Its okay now. 

Peace be with you Matt.  We miss you.

Peace be with you Matt.

Biting

Biting my words from yesterday.

Spoke too soon re: painless teething.  Our little charmer was up all night.  Why waste a good playtime?

Yawn

Cutting

It's been a hectic week.   Can't talk about it all, but my heart is out to people near and dear me who are going through a terrible time.

The barn at the ranch also got burnt down this week. Fortunately noone was hurt and while it was full of stuff, it was not the family memories, photographs and gorgeous furniture we lost in the last barn fire a few years ago.   That hit home.  This is just stuff (to me at least, I can't speak for everyone else).  I have zero tolerance for people who break in and abuse other people's property.  We've had so many problems with people at the ranch. Breakins, fires, driving herds of cows off cliffs so they split open on impact and die.   The frustrating part is that no-one ever gets caught.

Oh well.

On a happier note, the weather has been perfect.  This is the nicest oct/nov I ever remember in Vancouver.  The rainy days are welcome so I don't regret working.  Wonderful.

And our gorgeous?  He's the best.  He cut his first tooth today and was still a joy to be around.  He is such a mellow fellow, happy to chill and point at things or clap and bop to some internal beat.  I know he'll be crawling anyday, he's already starting to wiggle, and then it will be full speed ahead.  That makes me enjoy his cuddle times all the more.

And he absolutely adores his nana.

Pictures soon...