Not an anti-mothering thing. But I dislike "mommyfying". You know, best "mommy" blogger; Mommy and me groups etc. I find the term belittling in this sense (not at all when said by child to mom, that's great. The "external" use, I guess).
Maybe it's being a female engineer that makes me sensitive to it. There is nothing less welcoming than hearing five days in a row "good morning gentlemen" at our sales conference. The assumed "he" every time someone sets up a meeting with an engineer. Every time I hear it, it grates me and reminds me that I have to fight a little bit harder to have myself recognized for who I am.
I think most women would like more involvement from men in parenting and being involved in our kids communities. Isolating them from the parenting role in the first years doesn't set us up for successful integration later.
So why are all the "moms groups" locally still called that, even when run by the government who supports PARENTAL leave? Why is Costco selling "mommy's planning calendar" of kids activities. Even worse, I find the most isolating groups are those formed by the mothers themselves... "mommy and me", "tri cities mommies group". Seriously? Simon was home for a year, and attended some of the "mommy" playdates, every time as the only dad. Most mothers welcomed him. But there was always that feeling that someone would say "read the freaking label, don't you know its just for mommies".
At least when I go to a conference as the only female engineer, its not CALLED the "old white boys club", even if it is.
So there's my challenge. Why? Are they really trying to keep it to females only? I WANT more partners involved, more PARENTING, and can't understand this isolation (or maybe I'm just not a good enough mommy to see why only vaginas can host good playdates). If not, why not change the name to parents group? We've asked, with a mixed hit rate. But at least now, I ask. At the community center, at hiking groups...
Simon's a rock star of a PARENT, and I want him to feel as welcome as I at any event involving our kids.
What am I missing here? Would love your comments.
Saturday, September 28, 2013
Thursday, September 19, 2013
June
My nan continues to amaze me with her energy - at 88! A most enthusiastic passenger.
Baking birthday cake
Riles was so proud of Simon doing tough mudder. He adores this headband. Can't chose my favorite.
This child is obsessed with bags and shoes. To the extent that we have to keep even our shoes downstairs else she just wants to put them on. WHERE DID THIS COME FROM?
We are missing Matt, Tye and Nana a lot this year. Especially as R+V's characters comes through, and they don't get to see who they are now.
Pender
Our friends we had met through moms group were kind enough to invite us along for a weekend at Pender. The weekend started chaotically with a 6-car accident at the exit to the ferry, so we missed it and had a late, circuitous (?is that a word?) arrival. Once there, we enjoyed our visit and Riles loved having a built in friend.
Firefighter Riley hanging with the crew in the ferry lineup.
Got cheeks?
Calm waters
Only thing? The cabin had loft-like rooms aka our room opened up onto theirs over the main room. Also aka every single noise travels. Vani was teething and up all night, and as I was worried she'd wake Riles and their baby, Si and I took turns walking the neighbourhood in the wee hours. We returned exhausted. It was just the right thing (lovely setting, nice company) at the wrong time. Sigh.
Firefighter Riley hanging with the crew in the ferry lineup.
Only thing? The cabin had loft-like rooms aka our room opened up onto theirs over the main room. Also aka every single noise travels. Vani was teething and up all night, and as I was worried she'd wake Riles and their baby, Si and I took turns walking the neighbourhood in the wee hours. We returned exhausted. It was just the right thing (lovely setting, nice company) at the wrong time. Sigh.
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Weekend at Lands End
When I was little my grandparents spent the summer(s?) on an island off Swartz Bay called Goudge Island, and we spent a week? with them with just us three kids without our parents. I was probably 3 or 4.
I have the best memories (minus the wasps nest). We would hang out on the dock, throwing long kelp over the side for the crabs to climb up and pull them up quickly, whereupon they would then run across the dock and we would catch them (Chris lost the tip of a finger). We'd lean over and catch little jellyfish that looked like raw eggs (transparent with a yellow "yolk") and have jellyfish fights. We'd poke fingers and feet in anemones. And I remember rocks covered with the the brightest starfish... every last inch.
So yeah, idyllic.
I've been trying to recreate this since we had kids, every summer mumbling something about a trip to the rock pools, like when I was little. I'd start to look on airbnb or VRBO but would get lost in a maze of listings, and hate paying those booking and cleaning fees for just two nights! And I wanted something dog friendly and to not have to stress about the ferry. It never happened.
Then I was working on the island one Friday, and when I left I said to Si that if I could organize it, I wanted him to be ready to join us that night. He could walk on. Just think about it. I threw some heavy things in the car in case since he would be walking on with the stroller, two kids and a dog. He wasn't keen (si likes staying home as much as I like to go away... possibly replace need with like above). But in the ferry lineup in the morning I gave myself 5 minutes to google a B&B in Sydney (near Gough). I found one, reasonable (2 bdrm, $110/night all in). Emailed, and had a call as I got off the ferry. Perfect. We're in.
Work, negotiate wi Si. After work I stopped by the B&B before picking up Si @ the ferry. It was perfect. Just on the end of lands end, where its so quiet and all the houses have horses or organic farms or flowers in the stands at the ends of their driveways where you put the money in jars. The B&B was perfect. It allows dogs. Totally private above the garage. One mansion between us and the beach, with the trail right outside. Horses and chickens. Heaven. The owner came by with all the groceries we could need for a weekend in place of cooking us breakfast.
And finally, we did it. The perfect island weekend. We hung out on the beach and caught crab and poked dead jellyfish (they were big here!). We walked, fed Hamford the horsie grass.
And Sunday, fathers day, we walked to a winery opposite the Chalet (a crazy $$ restaurant, which happens to have a lovely casual winery as a neighbour with VINES for the kids to run up and down, a patio with inexpensive lovely simple food, fountains to splash and a guy playing guitar to Riley's delight). Perfect meal, perfect walk, perfect day.
I had my car because of work and we went to see Zozoes (our old dog we had to find another home for)... and she was so lovely and so loved, I couldn't be more grateful, and thankful that we finally took that big step two years before to find her a new kid-free home.
And we picked BOXES of strawberries, the first of the season, at their most tasty peak. Vans was surprisingly uninterested in eating (just squeezing them in the hand), but Riles and I were picking daemons!
So there you go. We had our perfect weekend. What I'm extra thrilled with is that it was so easy. Now we know the B&B, its dog friendly and near enough the ferry we can actually bike on with the double chariot and tenge, and have ourselves a lovely simple weekend with nothing and everything to do, without the fuss in trying to get someone to dog sit and the added lineups worry/expense of taking our car on the ferry.
Thrilled.
(now, I want to go again, especially as its harvest time for grapes! Si, you reading this?)
Vons is suddenly very busy.
Riley and Simon have such a special bond. Both are so tender and sweet.
Tough to hold two wiggling kids! Progression.
SUCCESS! Three sets of eyes
Fleeting
I have the best memories (minus the wasps nest). We would hang out on the dock, throwing long kelp over the side for the crabs to climb up and pull them up quickly, whereupon they would then run across the dock and we would catch them (Chris lost the tip of a finger). We'd lean over and catch little jellyfish that looked like raw eggs (transparent with a yellow "yolk") and have jellyfish fights. We'd poke fingers and feet in anemones. And I remember rocks covered with the the brightest starfish... every last inch.
So yeah, idyllic.
I've been trying to recreate this since we had kids, every summer mumbling something about a trip to the rock pools, like when I was little. I'd start to look on airbnb or VRBO but would get lost in a maze of listings, and hate paying those booking and cleaning fees for just two nights! And I wanted something dog friendly and to not have to stress about the ferry. It never happened.
Then I was working on the island one Friday, and when I left I said to Si that if I could organize it, I wanted him to be ready to join us that night. He could walk on. Just think about it. I threw some heavy things in the car in case since he would be walking on with the stroller, two kids and a dog. He wasn't keen (si likes staying home as much as I like to go away... possibly replace need with like above). But in the ferry lineup in the morning I gave myself 5 minutes to google a B&B in Sydney (near Gough). I found one, reasonable (2 bdrm, $110/night all in). Emailed, and had a call as I got off the ferry. Perfect. We're in.
Work, negotiate wi Si. After work I stopped by the B&B before picking up Si @ the ferry. It was perfect. Just on the end of lands end, where its so quiet and all the houses have horses or organic farms or flowers in the stands at the ends of their driveways where you put the money in jars. The B&B was perfect. It allows dogs. Totally private above the garage. One mansion between us and the beach, with the trail right outside. Horses and chickens. Heaven. The owner came by with all the groceries we could need for a weekend in place of cooking us breakfast.
And finally, we did it. The perfect island weekend. We hung out on the beach and caught crab and poked dead jellyfish (they were big here!). We walked, fed Hamford the horsie grass.
And Sunday, fathers day, we walked to a winery opposite the Chalet (a crazy $$ restaurant, which happens to have a lovely casual winery as a neighbour with VINES for the kids to run up and down, a patio with inexpensive lovely simple food, fountains to splash and a guy playing guitar to Riley's delight). Perfect meal, perfect walk, perfect day.
I had my car because of work and we went to see Zozoes (our old dog we had to find another home for)... and she was so lovely and so loved, I couldn't be more grateful, and thankful that we finally took that big step two years before to find her a new kid-free home.
And we picked BOXES of strawberries, the first of the season, at their most tasty peak. Vans was surprisingly uninterested in eating (just squeezing them in the hand), but Riles and I were picking daemons!
So there you go. We had our perfect weekend. What I'm extra thrilled with is that it was so easy. Now we know the B&B, its dog friendly and near enough the ferry we can actually bike on with the double chariot and tenge, and have ourselves a lovely simple weekend with nothing and everything to do, without the fuss in trying to get someone to dog sit and the added lineups worry/expense of taking our car on the ferry.
Thrilled.
(now, I want to go again, especially as its harvest time for grapes! Si, you reading this?)
SUCCESS! Three sets of eyes
Three years in, Riles gets a "real" room
I'm not quite the pintrest type; and am thankful that we don't have a TV as everytime I watch one of those home-reno shows I make a hole in a wall and never seem to get around to patching it back up. However, I had three pregnant cousins this summer and watched their facebook pages light up with gorgeously decorated rooms for their soon to be born babies.
And all this time I'd been determined that Riles and Vani would share a room, which is a form of denial of what a bad sleeper she is. SO: for the last year Vani slept in a pack and play in the spare bedroom closet. It only kind of fits it we shove the doors open and have it half sticking out, its those old school 1960's closets. The spare room is the dumping ground, had a horrific bright light and generally was a crappy space to be.
So in seeing my cousins decorating for their UNBORN children, I decided that at 15 months we could do better. So we moved Riley into the spare room (easier to move the toddler bed than the crib through the doors), and started decorating. Sorry Vani, maybe when you're three you'll get your own room decorated too. Just don't visit your cousins, k?
And now comes the bragging. Not that I'm great. But that this is great for me.
It had been an exhausting week. But I was sufficiently guilted to try to throw this together. Simon was going to Tough Mudder, so I had the two kids by myself. I got back from working on the island late friday, headed to Rona as it closed, bought their mis-tint tins (I seriously think someone was fired, normally there's just a few random shades of mud brown in mis-tints and I'm so cheap I can't pay full price... but this time there were 50 tins, all colour-coordinated already for me in these lovely matching themes, and I just had to pick up a few... throw in some extras 'cause they are $5 for the big tins and of course one day we'll paint Vanis room too...). Yay! Emptied out the room,even put down newspaper. I'm growing up with the newspaper thing.
THEN: Si left early, and by noon I had finished painting. WITH TWO KIDS BY MYSELF. And they were happy, if high as a kite. I can't even remember what game we played but that it involved cheerios and tape and throwing a ball out the window and it was brilliant as it kept them happy for hours. Riles helped me to paint the walls and himself very thoroughly.
Anyways, its (nearly) done. Three months later its still (nearly), but I'll take it.
Breakfast while I painted.
Done (nearly). Still two beds until he's out of back-up-diapers at night (the green mattress isn't waterproof, plus I still hold hopes that Vani will move in, oh so nice to have a spare bedroom). Oh, and Riles and I painted the green bed that day too. And then we added a license plate (and will soon add headlights) to make it look like a jeep. And we put up an ikea shelf. And they were happy. Seriously. I know. I'm amazing. (just this one day)
I'm proud of me. Might even get a pintrest account:) Title the album "My one-and-only almost pintrest worthy day"
And all this time I'd been determined that Riles and Vani would share a room, which is a form of denial of what a bad sleeper she is. SO: for the last year Vani slept in a pack and play in the spare bedroom closet. It only kind of fits it we shove the doors open and have it half sticking out, its those old school 1960's closets. The spare room is the dumping ground, had a horrific bright light and generally was a crappy space to be.
So in seeing my cousins decorating for their UNBORN children, I decided that at 15 months we could do better. So we moved Riley into the spare room (easier to move the toddler bed than the crib through the doors), and started decorating. Sorry Vani, maybe when you're three you'll get your own room decorated too. Just don't visit your cousins, k?
And now comes the bragging. Not that I'm great. But that this is great for me.
It had been an exhausting week. But I was sufficiently guilted to try to throw this together. Simon was going to Tough Mudder, so I had the two kids by myself. I got back from working on the island late friday, headed to Rona as it closed, bought their mis-tint tins (I seriously think someone was fired, normally there's just a few random shades of mud brown in mis-tints and I'm so cheap I can't pay full price... but this time there were 50 tins, all colour-coordinated already for me in these lovely matching themes, and I just had to pick up a few... throw in some extras 'cause they are $5 for the big tins and of course one day we'll paint Vanis room too...). Yay! Emptied out the room,even put down newspaper. I'm growing up with the newspaper thing.
THEN: Si left early, and by noon I had finished painting. WITH TWO KIDS BY MYSELF. And they were happy, if high as a kite. I can't even remember what game we played but that it involved cheerios and tape and throwing a ball out the window and it was brilliant as it kept them happy for hours. Riles helped me to paint the walls and himself very thoroughly.
Anyways, its (nearly) done. Three months later its still (nearly), but I'll take it.
Breakfast while I painted.
BUT.... while I'm now clever enough to put down newspaper, I'm still a snob on painters tape (somewhere... I heard the pros don't really use it, its just a marketing gimmic). Yeah no. So after splotching blue paint all over what I had envisioned as a nice blue/white crease, I was in trouble. And Si is anal about this stuff, he'd never let me live it down.
Hint: applying tape after the fact doesn't help.
Google wasn't useful, just telling me I should have put the bloody tape there in the first place.
And so I made up a solution ALL BY MYSELF.
I borrowed our neighbours paint thinner, used a bunch of Q-tips, and rubbed them up and down the crease. It removed the blotches and made a lovely straight line.
SUCCESS! There we go, fellow shortcut screwup painters. Thank me next time.
I'm proud of me. Might even get a pintrest account:) Title the album "My one-and-only almost pintrest worthy day"
Monday, September 16, 2013
And there is was... gone
12 inches donated.... yay me.
I'm also about to start smoking since I can no longer fidget by putting my hair in my ear.
I'm also about to start smoking since I can no longer fidget by putting my hair in my ear.
Vernon summer camping
Riles loved the tent, sleeping under the stars and having us relaxed and just playing with him/Kivani. He also finally warmed to swimming (had I posted about prior swimming/crying lessons, the extent of this miracle could be fully understood). He is now great in a lifejacket, dunks his head underwater no problem, and tries to drink the fishies up! (grammar?). Lovely times at the beach, walking and hanging out. "hanging out" used to mean relaxing with a book, but now its more like "containing the nuclear fallout" kind of thing.
Love shaded-after-a-hot-busy-day tent naps
Vons working on her scootering skills
Then we were off to my parents house to visit the family.
On the wharf catching minnows with GogoPops, Chris and cousin Lyla
Such a busy girl!
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