Not an anti-mothering thing. But I dislike "mommyfying". You know, best "mommy" blogger; Mommy and me groups etc. I find the term belittling in this sense (not at all when said by child to mom, that's great. The "external" use, I guess).
Maybe it's being a female engineer that makes me sensitive to it. There is nothing less welcoming than hearing five days in a row "good morning gentlemen" at our sales conference. The assumed "he" every time someone sets up a meeting with an engineer. Every time I hear it, it grates me and reminds me that I have to fight a little bit harder to have myself recognized for who I am.
I think most women would like more involvement from men in parenting and being involved in our kids communities. Isolating them from the parenting role in the first years doesn't set us up for successful integration later.
So why are all the "moms groups" locally still called that, even when run by the government who supports PARENTAL leave? Why is Costco selling "mommy's planning calendar" of kids activities. Even worse, I find the most isolating groups are those formed by the mothers themselves... "mommy and me", "tri cities mommies group". Seriously? Simon was home for a year, and attended some of the "mommy" playdates, every time as the only dad. Most mothers welcomed him. But there was always that feeling that someone would say "read the freaking label, don't you know its just for mommies".
At least when I go to a conference as the only female engineer, its not CALLED the "old white boys club", even if it is.
So there's my challenge. Why? Are they really trying to keep it to females only? I WANT more partners involved, more PARENTING, and can't understand this isolation (or maybe I'm just not a good enough mommy to see why only vaginas can host good playdates). If not, why not change the name to parents group? We've asked, with a mixed hit rate. But at least now, I ask. At the community center, at hiking groups...
Simon's a rock star of a PARENT, and I want him to feel as welcome as I at any event involving our kids.
What am I missing here? Would love your comments.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
`ONly vaginas can host good playdates'...love it:) I hear you and agree it should be a parent group. However, Gary would never go to a group because it's not his thing to hang out with other people and their kids, he likes just being with the kids on his own. Maybe that is the case for many men and that's why? I don't know. Actually, I'm like Gary, I don't like hanging out in groups with kids, I'd rather be one on one with a friend, with or without kids. Less chaos:)
Post a Comment