What happens when you die?

Okay. I process through logistics.  So don't read into this too much, I'm not obsessing though it may look like it.  But my last post comments got me thinking and I wanted to organize a bit.  I also thought this post could help some of my friends with a framework to discuss their plans (we come with baggage now... kids, debt ... what happened to our twenties?).

Disclaimer: these are questions, not answers.  I'm not a lawyer.  This isn't advice, just things to think through and resolve, for people my age (no kids fighting over possessions... its own can of worms).  You will not *need* all this stuff in order for your affairs to be taken care of.  However, it sure helps those left behind and avoids ugly transitions for your kids, and since they will be sad for losing you (hopefully), that's a nice thing to do.

What happens if you die.  Right now. For the married amongst you... its not so bad if the other is still living, but imagine you are *both* taken out in a car accident, and write your will at least thinking of this scenario.  Especially if you have kids, please think about what happens next.

- Do you have a will?  If so, is it up to date (kids?)  Where is it?  Would someone be able to find it (note ORIGINAL, photocopies don't stand).  Maybe make and sign two identical copies, and leave one with someone else (in case your house burns down).  Just then remember to update BOTH when you modify.  Lawyers can also file it with the province.
- The most important question: who will look after your kids. Please please do not leave this unidentified (of a poll of four couple friends with kids, NONE had discussed or identified this).  Discuss, ask the people.  This is a huge commitment.  Give (prioritized) alternatives so that if your mom is sick, or if your first choice couple just got divorced and is going through a crisis, there's a clear path.  And then make sure you're looking after them.  They will be sending your kids through college (hopefully) and dealing with some pretty serious issues.  Don't make them broke too.  You can separate the care and the financials through separate guardians and trustees if you feel it is necessary.
- Chose an executor... the person who does the logistics. They will be (at minimum) coordinating the disposal of your assets (who goes through your underwear drawer, who sells your most valuable assets etc).  Check with them that they will sign up for this.  Provide an alternate.  Your death will seriously disrupt their lives.  Buy them a drink in advance and hope you outlive them.
- Make sure your will and your spouses do not conflict.  Man, this is easy to do.  We even discussed the plan, but Si and I had done ours separately using will software. When I looked at the details, we had conflicting statements on corner cases of who is to look after our kids that would have caused grief if we had both died simultaneously.  Can you imagine putting Riley/Vani through this uncertainity/change?  We are moving to identical copies.
- Sanity check your beneficiaries in RRSP, 401k etc.  I setup some of my accounts when I was a teen. I have no idea what happens when your beneficiaries in the account (parents?) are different from your will's blanket statement (I leave everything to my hubby...).  I have no urge to find out.   Clean up.
- If one person does all the money stuff, make sure to protect the surviving spouse.  Our family friends went through hell when the husband died.  The wife didn't know where all the accounts were, and since they were all in his name, was literally pennyless until the probate cleared.  Your spouse needs immediate access.
- Make it easy.  Did you know Gmail and facebook to name a few won't give access to accounts even with a death certificate?   This is causing us grief as we still can't track down Tye's stuff in India, have no idea on his last days doings.  If you live online (like me ... paperless statements etc), how would your executor even know where to start looking for bank accounts etc.  I even scan in our important document, keep v. little in paper.  I don't know quite the solution to this.  We were thinking sealed envelope with passwords and bank account info, also identifying key valuables/heirlooms.  But then what happens if you get burgled and the thief finds this goldmine?  So then we're thinking safety deposit box with this info in it, also a sheet saying what's important (your executor may not know that your painting is valuable ... $5 in a garage sale would suck).  Then it's safe but can be accessed with a death certificate. 
- State your intentions.  Imagine your best friend says you always wanted your ashes scattered and your parents have reserved a place at a family lot.  Don't make them battle it out.  Be clear. 
- Note there are rules re: executor vs. beneficiary vs. witnesses ... suggest witness is totally independent for simplicity (pick a neighbour, colleague at work, lawyer makes it easy).  They don't need to read it, just sign that they saw you sign it.
- For the common-law couples, be specific and acknowledge your intentions.  The wills variation act recognizes common law as married, and unclear direction can cause horrible lawsuits that could pit your partner and family against each other.  Same idea with unacknowledged children. Even if you do not want them to receive anything, be specific so at least its seen as a concious decision and not oversight.  BTW, with wills variation act, this could still be overriden, FYI.
- Also suggest living will (think Terry Shiavo).  Darn, I still need to do this.
- My new resolution.  You know how we are supposed to change the batteries in our smoke alarms when we change our watches for daylight savings?  I will now try to remember to sanity check my will - anything changed? - at the same time.  FYI, I believe marrying nullifies any prior wills.

Most importantly, WRITE IT.  If you are a procrastinator without anything in place, write your basic goals NOW on a piece of paper (it doesn't have to be typed or in legalese), knock next door and get them to witness it.  Today.  At least this provides a start.  It will also likely you more into action to do a more formal one wi lawyer/notary, more so than if you say you'll make an appointment "sometime soon" without actually thinking through the exercise.

Ok.  Some initial ideas only.  If you have any other suggestions or things we need to consider, please do send through on email or in the comments.